This one has been a big trigger for me. This question at the check-out line always sounds like "are you a good person?" Frequently, the question is "Do you want to help kids with cancer?" and the organization is one that profits from doing medical research. I have very strong feelings about this and used to get internally enraged about being put in this position as I begrudgingly donated to organizations I felt preyed on collective compassion. Eventually, I tried saying like, "I do, but not like this" or "I prefer to help them in other ways." But, honestly, everything I tried to say felt weird because I felt defensive. I now just say a friendly, "No, thank you."
It's interesting to notice how uncomfortable it is to feel as though I'm being perceived as a "bad person." As someone who has been advocating for health freedom through a pandemic, I've had to confront this repeatedly. I grew up being a "pleaser" and was very well liked in my community until I started speaking up. At one point the police showed up at my house because someone had called to report us for allowing patients to come to their appointments without masks. And suddenly people on my town FB page had decided I was a quack and and antivaxxer and somehow also a Trump supporter and an antisemite (supporting health freedom somehow automatically made you all of these things). And of course, "dangerous". But the hardest part for me to swallow was being deemed uncaring. It was evil genius to conflate non-compliance with a lack of compassion.
I've had to do a lot of work around separating myself from what people think of me. I still do. I really struggle when I feel misunderstood in general, but being misunderstood as a jerk really sucks.
"It was evil genius to conflate non-compliance with a lack of compassion." Spot-on!
So Marcus comforts us in several ways. A good person does not go against what Nature tells them is virtuous. As importantly, our goodness is not self-created, thus we can smile at our attempts to think our way to feeling pleased with ourselves. Instead, we create space for virtue to flow through us.
All that said, what you describe is a challenging classroom and I admire you for allowing the challenges to grow your connection with Nature.
Thank you, Barry. My medical staff privileges were once suspended because I resisted getting a “Flu Shot“ as a mandatory requirement of Medical Staff participation. While an “exemption“ was possible, my request was promptly denied. This happened twice. Unfortunately, I resolved the issue by purchasing my own flu shots through a distributor and “gave myself“ a flu shot, in a semantic twist. Suffice it to say, these mandates were a result of potential economic consequences in reimbursement for medical services by the federal government. Nevertheless, it pains me greatly to having to protect my family with my “solution“. I was distraught enough to pen an opinion piece for publication:
To be clear, I am not anti-vaccination. However, I was surprised at the amount of backlash and general Internet criticism I received. Suspended twice- yet I have seen egregious indiscretions by medical colleagues within the walls of a hospital go essentially without consequences. This is now the life of “herded“ Physicians, who increasingly must forfeit personal and professional freedom to corporate interest and government coercion.
Brad, Thank you for sharing your experiences and great essay. If freedom survives, it will be because enough people, like you, took risks to preserve it. I appreciate, and so would Marcus, your courage.
"Rounded up" is an interesting term that I had certainly not thought of before in this context. I am 65 years old and during my annual physical last year, my doctor highly recommended I get a shingles vaccine. Since I had already thought out my position on this particular shot in the context of my own health situation, I told her I don't view this shot as a "vaccine" as it does not absolutely prevent getting shingles, and no, I would pass on this. She responded "have you ever had shingles?" I said no, and I wasn't planning on getting shingles, and knew several people that had very adverse reactions to the shot. I added that since I take extremely good care of my health by way of regular exercise, managing my stress well, drinking very little alcohol, and getting adequate rest, I calculated my risk of shingles to be very low, while acknowledging that I certainly could get it. She seemed perplexed that I did not immediately agree to it. I like this doctor, however, I left the office thinking about all the assumptions she had made without considering my individual situation. As you might imagine, I also would not get the Covid shot, got Covid, and treated it quickly and easily with off label drugs. Your article is good because most people simply don't consider that they can even say no for a whole host of different life situations.
Paul, the shingles vaccine is an excellent example. Practicing medicine is becoming a lost art and your provider was perplexed because she is thinking in terms of one size fits all solutions. If enough people in her practice say no, she might start to investigate the issue and still be able to spend part of her career truly practicing medicine. You did her a service.
This is timely. I got rounded up at work a week ago and immediately felt take advantage of. I did indeed attempt to see the humanity of the person rounding up which is likely what led to my capitulation. However she attempted the same a few days later. Undoubtedly because she felt she could. Anyway I quit. Immediately. It’s buggered my business a little bc I’ve no income (what small income there was) but I feel a million times better for not being rounded up and strong armed into just “going along” with something which felt wrong and which wasn’t going to be profitable. Often I need it pointed out. For the first time ever I figured it out myself will accept any consequences but know these are mine to manage and I’m best off out of there.
My answer is 'I'll think about it'. Stops it all dead.
Like when the quack, whoops, gp, (not deserving of capitals) rang to 'invite' me for the latest 'once fashionable to have' injection I said I will think about it. Her answer - 'so I will put you down as a refusal then'. No! I admonished her, I told you I needed to think about it, which means I need to know more abou it than you are saying to me. At this stage I had read the trial protocols and results in full and no way was I going to have it. That she could not hear that I just needed time to think said it all. It means she was fully aware that unless she could jab me straght away I would realise it was not a good thing to do. amd would refuse. Heck, that's why there is the telesales 14 day cooling off period is in place!
Anyways, making that bit of time in any situation is always a good plan. Let me think about it. Sometimes we can even think about it a bit more and be more generous than perhaps we would have been. Yyah, right, I know, very rare that one but it does happen.
My wife and I had a discussion recently about my decision to discontinue my patronage of a particular corporation’s products. She asked if I thought I was going to “teach them a lesson”.
I said “No, I don’t expect a corporation to discontinue their support for a cause I disagree with simply because I’ve decided to deny them my business. Even were they to do so, the same people will still be in charge. I’m not going to change their worldview by not buying their products. But what I can do is deny them the opportunity to support those causes with my money.”
Concerning rounded up. I was having trouble with stiffness in my legs. My doctor recommended a series of Botox shots, I had 22. He never described the after effects. I trusted him. A few days later I had speech problems which effects 3% of individuals. Read about the other side effects of Botox. Now they have Botox parties. SMH
That must have been terrifying, Mike. I hope you are Ok now.
Doctors routinely ignore telling patients of side effects of drugs and sometimes there are life altering consequences.
Some patients enjoy being rounded up. They like going to the doctor and getting an Rx. If there were not patients like that, doctors would have to stop being shills for drug companies.
I took 4.11 in two ways - one in not allowing myself to be dishonored by thinking as the man who wants me to think a certain way, but also by thinking the way my ego wants me to think. I mean, as we have been practicing being aware of our ego and our thoughts and judgements, many of the thoughts that I once perceived as my own push me to think a certain way or view something a certain way. I'm not sure if that is correct, but I certainly feel as though I can dishonor myself by aligning my thoughts with judgements in ways that act against Nature right?
Asking you to part with your money may be considered a criminal attempt - but you need to be a lawyer to see the situation in this proper context.
You can always ask the kind person who would like to see your money going out, “Why?”
Or you could invest a few minutes into an enlightening conversation, asking the asker “When did you do this last time? How much was it? When are you planning to give more?”
Or you could call the manager and demand a formal legal consent for the shop to deal with financial services.
And if the shop abuses children by telling them to extort clients, you could demand the presentation of signed employment contracts with the kids.
When you are done, simply show your ID, order everybody to stay where they are, and call for backup.
Most of the stores I shop in round up for kids, children's hospitals or wildlife. If it is related to children in any way, I always say loudly, "No, I hate kids. I had five of my own."
If it is for wildlife or dog rescue or some such, I respond, again loud enough for other customers to hear, "No, thank you. But I do love animals, they are delicious."
It goes along with everyone asking if you want to tip, now, even the drive up fast food places. That annoys me. If you are doing an extra service for me, then you might deserve a tip. If I am doing everything for myself, then it's an extra tax, not a tip. I don't pay it.
I've had my share of run-ins with medical establishment, as nearly all my medical is through the VA (one of the reasons I don't advocate Gov't run healthcare...) they usually rely on blind obedience. I have learned to smile and nod, say no thank you without much/any explanation and upon getting home say to myself:
"I am thankful that I have medical coverage, if I need it, and I lovingly release their opinions from my consciousness as I make my own choices for my own health needs."
We are not widgets in the machine. We are individuals carved/created just a little bit different for each of us.
"I am thankful that I have medical coverage, if I need it, and I lovingly release their opinions from my consciousness as I make my own choices for my own health needs."
This one has been a big trigger for me. This question at the check-out line always sounds like "are you a good person?" Frequently, the question is "Do you want to help kids with cancer?" and the organization is one that profits from doing medical research. I have very strong feelings about this and used to get internally enraged about being put in this position as I begrudgingly donated to organizations I felt preyed on collective compassion. Eventually, I tried saying like, "I do, but not like this" or "I prefer to help them in other ways." But, honestly, everything I tried to say felt weird because I felt defensive. I now just say a friendly, "No, thank you."
It's interesting to notice how uncomfortable it is to feel as though I'm being perceived as a "bad person." As someone who has been advocating for health freedom through a pandemic, I've had to confront this repeatedly. I grew up being a "pleaser" and was very well liked in my community until I started speaking up. At one point the police showed up at my house because someone had called to report us for allowing patients to come to their appointments without masks. And suddenly people on my town FB page had decided I was a quack and and antivaxxer and somehow also a Trump supporter and an antisemite (supporting health freedom somehow automatically made you all of these things). And of course, "dangerous". But the hardest part for me to swallow was being deemed uncaring. It was evil genius to conflate non-compliance with a lack of compassion.
I've had to do a lot of work around separating myself from what people think of me. I still do. I really struggle when I feel misunderstood in general, but being misunderstood as a jerk really sucks.
"It was evil genius to conflate non-compliance with a lack of compassion." Spot-on!
So Marcus comforts us in several ways. A good person does not go against what Nature tells them is virtuous. As importantly, our goodness is not self-created, thus we can smile at our attempts to think our way to feeling pleased with ourselves. Instead, we create space for virtue to flow through us.
All that said, what you describe is a challenging classroom and I admire you for allowing the challenges to grow your connection with Nature.
Thank you, Barry. My medical staff privileges were once suspended because I resisted getting a “Flu Shot“ as a mandatory requirement of Medical Staff participation. While an “exemption“ was possible, my request was promptly denied. This happened twice. Unfortunately, I resolved the issue by purchasing my own flu shots through a distributor and “gave myself“ a flu shot, in a semantic twist. Suffice it to say, these mandates were a result of potential economic consequences in reimbursement for medical services by the federal government. Nevertheless, it pains me greatly to having to protect my family with my “solution“. I was distraught enough to pen an opinion piece for publication:
https://fee.org/articles/the-feds-are-forcing-healthcare-workers-to-get-flu-shots-they-don-t-need/
To be clear, I am not anti-vaccination. However, I was surprised at the amount of backlash and general Internet criticism I received. Suspended twice- yet I have seen egregious indiscretions by medical colleagues within the walls of a hospital go essentially without consequences. This is now the life of “herded“ Physicians, who increasingly must forfeit personal and professional freedom to corporate interest and government coercion.
Brad, Thank you for sharing your experiences and great essay. If freedom survives, it will be because enough people, like you, took risks to preserve it. I appreciate, and so would Marcus, your courage.
Brilliant solution, well done.
"Rounded up" is an interesting term that I had certainly not thought of before in this context. I am 65 years old and during my annual physical last year, my doctor highly recommended I get a shingles vaccine. Since I had already thought out my position on this particular shot in the context of my own health situation, I told her I don't view this shot as a "vaccine" as it does not absolutely prevent getting shingles, and no, I would pass on this. She responded "have you ever had shingles?" I said no, and I wasn't planning on getting shingles, and knew several people that had very adverse reactions to the shot. I added that since I take extremely good care of my health by way of regular exercise, managing my stress well, drinking very little alcohol, and getting adequate rest, I calculated my risk of shingles to be very low, while acknowledging that I certainly could get it. She seemed perplexed that I did not immediately agree to it. I like this doctor, however, I left the office thinking about all the assumptions she had made without considering my individual situation. As you might imagine, I also would not get the Covid shot, got Covid, and treated it quickly and easily with off label drugs. Your article is good because most people simply don't consider that they can even say no for a whole host of different life situations.
Paul, the shingles vaccine is an excellent example. Practicing medicine is becoming a lost art and your provider was perplexed because she is thinking in terms of one size fits all solutions. If enough people in her practice say no, she might start to investigate the issue and still be able to spend part of her career truly practicing medicine. You did her a service.
Just today someone told me that they are sick after taking the shingles vaccine. I don’t know much about it. Just anecdotal.
This is timely. I got rounded up at work a week ago and immediately felt take advantage of. I did indeed attempt to see the humanity of the person rounding up which is likely what led to my capitulation. However she attempted the same a few days later. Undoubtedly because she felt she could. Anyway I quit. Immediately. It’s buggered my business a little bc I’ve no income (what small income there was) but I feel a million times better for not being rounded up and strong armed into just “going along” with something which felt wrong and which wasn’t going to be profitable. Often I need it pointed out. For the first time ever I figured it out myself will accept any consequences but know these are mine to manage and I’m best off out of there.
My answer is 'I'll think about it'. Stops it all dead.
Like when the quack, whoops, gp, (not deserving of capitals) rang to 'invite' me for the latest 'once fashionable to have' injection I said I will think about it. Her answer - 'so I will put you down as a refusal then'. No! I admonished her, I told you I needed to think about it, which means I need to know more abou it than you are saying to me. At this stage I had read the trial protocols and results in full and no way was I going to have it. That she could not hear that I just needed time to think said it all. It means she was fully aware that unless she could jab me straght away I would realise it was not a good thing to do. amd would refuse. Heck, that's why there is the telesales 14 day cooling off period is in place!
Anyways, making that bit of time in any situation is always a good plan. Let me think about it. Sometimes we can even think about it a bit more and be more generous than perhaps we would have been. Yyah, right, I know, very rare that one but it does happen.
My wife and I had a discussion recently about my decision to discontinue my patronage of a particular corporation’s products. She asked if I thought I was going to “teach them a lesson”.
I said “No, I don’t expect a corporation to discontinue their support for a cause I disagree with simply because I’ve decided to deny them my business. Even were they to do so, the same people will still be in charge. I’m not going to change their worldview by not buying their products. But what I can do is deny them the opportunity to support those causes with my money.”
Well said, William. Small acts of honor add up.
Concerning rounded up. I was having trouble with stiffness in my legs. My doctor recommended a series of Botox shots, I had 22. He never described the after effects. I trusted him. A few days later I had speech problems which effects 3% of individuals. Read about the other side effects of Botox. Now they have Botox parties. SMH
That must have been terrifying, Mike. I hope you are Ok now.
Doctors routinely ignore telling patients of side effects of drugs and sometimes there are life altering consequences.
Some patients enjoy being rounded up. They like going to the doctor and getting an Rx. If there were not patients like that, doctors would have to stop being shills for drug companies.
I took 4.11 in two ways - one in not allowing myself to be dishonored by thinking as the man who wants me to think a certain way, but also by thinking the way my ego wants me to think. I mean, as we have been practicing being aware of our ego and our thoughts and judgements, many of the thoughts that I once perceived as my own push me to think a certain way or view something a certain way. I'm not sure if that is correct, but I certainly feel as though I can dishonor myself by aligning my thoughts with judgements in ways that act against Nature right?
Absolutely, John. Both ways!
Asking you to part with your money may be considered a criminal attempt - but you need to be a lawyer to see the situation in this proper context.
You can always ask the kind person who would like to see your money going out, “Why?”
Or you could invest a few minutes into an enlightening conversation, asking the asker “When did you do this last time? How much was it? When are you planning to give more?”
Or you could call the manager and demand a formal legal consent for the shop to deal with financial services.
And if the shop abuses children by telling them to extort clients, you could demand the presentation of signed employment contracts with the kids.
When you are done, simply show your ID, order everybody to stay where they are, and call for backup.
Most of the stores I shop in round up for kids, children's hospitals or wildlife. If it is related to children in any way, I always say loudly, "No, I hate kids. I had five of my own."
If it is for wildlife or dog rescue or some such, I respond, again loud enough for other customers to hear, "No, thank you. But I do love animals, they are delicious."
Just ask young people trying to get a date.
It goes along with everyone asking if you want to tip, now, even the drive up fast food places. That annoys me. If you are doing an extra service for me, then you might deserve a tip. If I am doing everything for myself, then it's an extra tax, not a tip. I don't pay it.
I've had my share of run-ins with medical establishment, as nearly all my medical is through the VA (one of the reasons I don't advocate Gov't run healthcare...) they usually rely on blind obedience. I have learned to smile and nod, say no thank you without much/any explanation and upon getting home say to myself:
"I am thankful that I have medical coverage, if I need it, and I lovingly release their opinions from my consciousness as I make my own choices for my own health needs."
We are not widgets in the machine. We are individuals carved/created just a little bit different for each of us.
"I am thankful that I have medical coverage, if I need it, and I lovingly release their opinions from my consciousness as I make my own choices for my own health needs."
Marcus would approve!
Ah yes, this reminds me of Marcus' discarding of anxiety comment.