Once in a Lifetime

The best pleasures are those we didn't plan.

In this Saturday’s About Time Session 5 overview, I write about hiking and Burkeman’s reminder that anything we do may be for the last time. More than that, if you treat any moment as unique and precious, it is literally for the last time.

This essay, first published in the summer of 2023, complements what is coming tomorrow.

Mindset Shifts U—All Sessions

There is a Japanese phrase Ichi-go ichi-e, which musician Kishi Bashi translated as "one time, one meeting." Justin Bariso puts it this way, “once in a lifetime.”

Bashi explained:  "It's about cherishing life, every second at a time. Like, wow, that just happened. The outcome was not what I expected, but it's beautiful for that reason."

My son is getting married, and recently I was assembling an album of photos of him from birth to the present. My experience was that in real-time, watching your children grow up is a delightfully long process. There seems to be plenty of time to enjoy life, and that’s wonderful. But are we fully present for those once-in-a-lifetime moments?

As you go about your day, notice how many impinging thoughts take you away from fully being present.

The ego-self constantly pushes reality away. It constructs a future out of empty expectations and a past out of regretful memories.

― Alan Watts, The Wisdom of Insecurity

Miraculously, when you look back at old photos, there is nothing but love. The transitory cares and challenges of the day have long been forgotten.

Yet, in real-time, the concerns of the day may have been in the foreground, blocking your presence and muting your experience of love.

Hiking was a significant part of my children’s upbringing; they still love hiking mountain trails. Very early, they were riding in packs, by age three they started to hike with their own power. By five, they climbed their first peaks; and by seven, their first high peak (of 48) in the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

In 2003, Mt. Moosilauke was the second high peak they climbed. In the valley, it was a hot, humid, buggy day. My children weren’t thrilled as we climbed the rocky 3.8 miles with 2500 ft. of elevation gain. Gradually, the air got cooler. When we reached tree line my son sprinted the final quarter mile, overjoyed with the majesty of the views.

I can remember my son’s joy in 2003, I can’t recreate the heat.

Once in a lifetime.

This past weekend we were all home and hiked Mt. Moosilauke again for perhaps the fifth time. Another hiker clocked the winds at the summit at 55 mph. My son stood tall in the wind. As you can see, my wife, daughter, and I were having more difficulty.

The summit was mainly in the clouds during our lunch, but just a moment before we left, the view was clear. Despite the winds, never had the view seemed as majestic.

Once in a lifetime.

The best pleasures are those for which we do not plan, and the worst part of pain is expecting it and trying to get away from it when it has come.”

― Alan Watts, The Wisdom of Insecurity

In 2023, my head was filled with thoughts of how tentative I had gotten descending the rocky trails. The less present I was to the trail, the more present I was to my thinking, the more difficult the descent became. Every jagged rock annoyed me. Lost in thought, all my brook crossing skills were lost. Rather than safely hop rocks, I could only splash across.

In another twenty years, a hike up Mt. Moosilauke will be impossible for me. In 2043, only love will be reflected when I look at a picture of 2023.

Perfection is never a possibility, but being touched by the moment is.

Once in a lifetime.

You do not play a sonata in order to reach the final chord, and if the meanings of things were simply in ends, composers would write nothing but finales.”

― Alan Watts, The Wisdom of Insecurity