Seneca, Session 1: Downsizing Your Inner Yelp Reviewer
If we are ready to reduce the influence anger has on our lives, there is no better guide than Seneca.
Years ago, my wife missed our highway exit. When we exited to retrace our steps, we found ourselves backed up at a traffic light. Each time the light turned green, only five cars could make it through before it turned red again. My thinking riffed with concern about getting to our destination on time. As I railed against reality and behaved boorishly, my wife sat still—well, stoically.
I should add that at that time, she had not yet read the works of any Stoic philosophers. Unlike me, she didn’t need much remedial work.
At that moment, I was sure my anger was coming from the traffic light. I didn’t sign up for a poorly controlled intersection and a trip delay. Take away those issues and I would be calm again. Wrong! Anger starts with an internal decision to be angry. If we want to be angry, we will find things to be angry about.
My momentary agitation was made of the same stuff as full-blown road rage. I had given the world, in the form of a traffic light, power over my peace of mind. You might recall what Marcus Aurelius said: “It’s pointless to let mere things make you angry, since they lack the ability to care.” (7.38)
The moment I stopped feeding my anger with more thinking, the anger was gone.
We all know—but mostly ignore—the first rule of holes: “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”
When faced with challenges, we might exacerbate the problem by reacting with anger or other agitated feelings. Actions born of such a mindset will likely make things worse.
Life will often not meet our expectations. The traffic light will let only five cars through when you have to get somewhere. But why do we allow our thinking to make the situation worse? If we keep pinching our arm, we shouldn’t be surprised if we get bruised.
We all have what Eric Barker calls “an internal Yelp reviewer for life's experiences” that “judges everything that happens to us and gives it a score.”
Our study of Seneca will help us stop listening to our internal Yelp reviewer's harsh critiques. As we place less value on its voice, we won't notice it as often.
In other words, it’s not about improving our reviewer; it’s about downsizing the importance we place on its voice.
Yet saying to someone don’t be angry has about as much impact as telling a colleague to just relax as he steps up to give a big presentation.
When I was a boy, my uncle “taught” me to swim by throwing me into the deep end of the pool. It worked out; but, for good reasons, I don’t recommend his method.
As we have been learning, we usually need mind training and mindful practice to overcome the tendencies of our wrong mind. We get to practice daily with the small stuff, like traffic lights, so that when life throws us into the deep end, we are ready.
If we are ready to reduce the influence anger has on our lives, there is no better guide than Seneca. Seneca will help us become more aware of the many forms of anger and their consequences. Awareness frees us to make another choice.