On Showing Up

Don't blow people off. That's a rather low bar to set; isn't it?

Penzu, an online journal app, reminds me of entries I made on the same date in previous years.

In January 2019, I was walking on the concourse at West Palm Beach, Florida airport, and directly straight ahead, a man smiled and said, "Barry."

Amazingly, in a chance encounter, I reconnected with a former MBA student whom I had not seen in 27 years. This student had an illustrious career. You would recognize his company's name and he had just sold his company for over half a billion dollars.

We chatted for a while. The kind things he said about me are not the point. He ended with, "And you never blew me off." He didn’t have to explain; I was well aware of the attitudes of some of my colleagues toward students. After 27 years, he remembered how he had been treated.

What should be an ordinary standard of behavior has become extraordinary. It's not just professors; too many people in all walks of life blow people off. Perhaps you have experienced colleagues sucking up to those above them while ignoring or even mistreating those below? Guided by false beliefs, they foolishly think their behavior goes unnoticed.

Don't blow people off. That's a rather low bar to set; isn't it?

There is an adage that says 80% of life is showing up. But what does showing up mean? Does it mean merely going through the motions, less than fully present to what you are doing in the moment?

When thoughts like I should be doing something else occupy your mind, you are not showing up.

It's not just your colleagues and customers, it’s your family, and strangers too. Are you annoyed by your child because you would rather watch football? Does the stranger who bumps your shoulder as they struggle down the narrow airplane aisle irritate you?

The more we blow someone off, the more we construct justifications for not showing up. These justifications are lies. They are self-deceptions.

What does not blowing people off look like? Make each encounter about them, not you. Treating others with genuine respect benefits you and them; it’s good for their soul and your own. We can all do better.

In another airport encounter, riding a jam-packed bus from the rental car facility to the airport terminal, a passenger began to push her way through the aisle to where I was standing. As she squeezed in front of me, she stepped on my toes.

I could have made it about me and felt irritated. That day, I didn't feel annoyed at all. I had made an instantaneous but unconscious decision to make the encounter about her, not me. “Your flight must be on time,” I said lightheartedly.

“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” is a true principle, for it says nothing about how it must be done. It presumes unlimited ability of people to evolve in accordance with their values, experience and relations with others.”--Dee Hock, founding CEO of Visa

She asked me where I was flying. Within seconds, we were engaged in a conversation about a life decision the woman was facing.  

Instead of mutual annoyance, there was a harmony of interests. For about ten minutes, two tired travelers shared a brief but palpable connection through their common humanity.

It takes enormous mental strain to block the reality of our shared humanity. No wonder we so often feel exhausted. Is it not better to allow our common humanity to transform this moment and our lives?

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Meeting your beliefs and life experiences through the study of the ideas of great thinkers can set in motion a transformative personal growth process. That is the principle behind Mindset Shifts U. In less than two weeks, we will begin with an unhurried deep dive into Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Together, we will work with this timeless material and, in the process, become more aware of our internal barriers to change.

Mindset Shifts U Begins This Month

A few days ago, I was deeply moved by a reader who became a Founding subscriber:

Barry: You will never fully know how your essays touch my life from all directions. I need to be reminded of lessons way too often for my own health and well-being. Thank you for doing what you are doing. I just want to continue to help others in my most effective ways.

Your support for my work is greatly appreciated.