Bonds That Make Us Free Session 2: Without You, There Is No Me

Who we are is how we are in relation to others.

This past week, when John read this passage from Bonds That Make Us Free, he felt “kick[ed] in the nuts:”

When we betray ourselves, we undergo a transformation. By seeing others suspiciously, accusingly, or fearfully, we become suspicious, accusing, or fearful ourselves. By no longer seeing them with care, delight, generosity, we ourselves cease to be caring, delighted, and generous. The kind of people we are cannot be separated from how we interpret the world around us… Who we are is how we are in relation to others.

Being deeply moved by Warner’s ideas is at the heart of our work.

Remember Warner’s questions in Chapter 1: “I could only ask, How could I have fallen so far? Why had I made myself so unhappy?” “How could the life I had shared with this boy [his son] have lost its sweetness?”

Of course, Warner aims to help us restore the sweetness that was never really lost. Our sweetness and goodness are waiting to be remembered by us. Love waits on our welcome.

 “Who we are is how we are in relation to others” is not a kumbaya sentiment, merely to be sung and then forgotten. And no, you don’t have to take guitar lessons.

In Chapters 3 and 4, Warner explains why it is the truth. Reality, not words, can change our lives, but only when we are not busily defending our self-image. Our self-concept is a self-created shield against the ”sweetness” we seek, and Warner begins to show us the way out of our suffering.