Avoiding Conflict: Seneca's Perspective
Most of us think we are responding to events that we interpret accurately and that others, not us, are causing conflict.
Shortly after waking, I began my work day in my study. Looking out a window to the north, I saw the morning light on the meadow and shadows along the forest's edge that rims our property. And, what was this? A steady stream of Major League baseball players in full uniform was running laps around the meadow's perimeter. It was spring training. I watched their warm-up drills with interest.
As I walked to the kitchen, I looked out a window facing south and was startled to see that an excavator was uprooting a tree and was digging a huge pit in the meadow. An urgent response was needed. Agitated, I hurried out of the house as a crowd gathered around the pit.
Then, I woke from my dream.
Notice how conflict escalated in my dream. In moments, I had gone from fascinated to mobilizing for action.
Storytellers often depend on escalating conflict. In literature, television, and movies, an event occurs, a conflict escalates, and the protagonist's situation is then resolved favorably or not.
In the day-to-day reality that each of us perceives and experiences, our ego, too, tells stories of escalating conflict. Events occur, and our ego’s interpretation gravitates toward conflict.
The conflict escalates in our ego’s narration until we rise to meet the intrusion. A resolution temporarily settles us until we rise again to the ego’s next cry of conflict.
Most people are unaware of their egos' tricks. Most of us think we are responding to events we interpret accurately and that others, not us, are causing conflicts.
That is why, in many places in “On Anger,” Seneca advised us to do our best not to let anger in the front door. And when we fail (and we will), we can mitigate the damages by being a student of how anger works to regain our mind's decision-making power. Reading Seneca, we can no longer pretend we are mindless victims of external events. Such a pretense is unworthy of an individual who strives to be free.
The first line of defense is to recognize your mind’s patterns, be responsible for them, and not project them. This source of resilience helps you navigate the tough times in life. ‘The most powerful people have power over themselves,” wrote Seneca in a letter.
Tim LeBon is a psychotherapist who makes use of Stoic precepts. He colorfully explains what happens when we mindlessly relinquish our decision-making mind:
Who do you want in the driving seat? Your inner Homer Simpson who can’t see past the next doughnut? Or a more Stoic version of yourself who takes long-term consequences into account? Where in your life would you like to take control back from your inner Homer?
Homer Simpson mostly lives in a state of conflict and is eager to blame. Seneca wrote thousands of years before the term projection was known, but he had already seen people's tendency to cast out their failures and pin them on others. He wrote: