About Time, Session 3: The Joy of Missing Out
Whenever I’m not grateful for my life, wife, or work, I know my thinking is off.
We ended Session 2 on the fear of missing out (FOMO) with a look forward to this session. In Chapter 3, Burkeman explains that accepting the finitude of time leads to the "joy of missing out." Burkeman writes, "It is the thrilling recognition that you wouldn't even really want to be able to do everything, since if you didn't have to decide what to miss out on, your choices couldn't truly mean anything."
Shifting our mindset from fear to joy over missing out seems easier said than done.
What is in our way? First, we often fall into the trap of thinking this is merely an intellectual exercise; if we read one more page or book, we will magically transform into a person we imagine is at peace.
There is no such imaginary person. You have not missed out.
In The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking, Burkeman introduces us to philosopher Alan Watts and his seminal work, The Wisdom of Insecurity.
Burkeman quotes Watts: "When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float … Insecurity is the result of trying to be secure … contrariwise, salvation and sanity consist in the most radical recognition that we have no way of saving ourselves."
"We have no way of saving ourselves." So, what are we doing here? We are cultivating a willingness to let what is beyond the noisy chatter in our heads do the heavy lifting. Each passage we read that points to the perennial philosophy helps in this process. Each passage that you read that stills your mind calls to your true Self.
A process is needed since that noisy chatter is ongoing and compelling. Angelo Dilullo is a physician we first met in my essay "How to Repurpose Your Discomfort."
You might take a moment and review that essay.
In his book Awake, Dr. Dilullo writes,
The ego convinces you that its view is your view. It does this by speaking as if you are the one speaking. It structures thoughts in such a way that it sounds and feels like they are your voice, your thoughts. Because it's happening inside your mind, you immediately assume that the ego's voice and its view are your voice and your view!
The mindset Dr. Dilullo described is based on a lifetime of conditioning. By reducing our resistance to the present moment, we can begin to disengage from our conditioning.